Kancer Free

The night before I went into my final treatment, I wrote the following letter to cancer.  It is hard for me to read it.  Because I screened a lot of what I wrote.  This is how I felt, but it goes deeper than that.  So when I read this, I am reminded of the dark place I was in.  The only thing helping me was knowing a new day was around the corner.

Dear Kancer,

Tomorrow I hope to say good-bye for good.  While it has been interesting getting to know you and while I am forever changed by you, I am happy to part ways. 

I was extremely scared of you in September, but now I no longer fear you.  I know that God gives me the strength to face you!  He will not give me more than I can handle.

You have scarred me not only physically but emotionally.  I have tried to overcome you by having a positive attitude and not let you get me down.  You have made it tough.  You have made my body weak.  There are days I am physically tired and just plain worn out.  Days I find it hard to lift a finger or move even a toe.  I still can't look at my scars.  And as of last night, I am 37 pounds heavier.  I absolutely hate the way I look and feel.  And I have become more aware of people around me...what I mean by that is that I notice all of my short comings in everyone that passes me by.  So you have left me in a state of mind I have never been in before.  You have given new meaning to soul searching.      

But on a positive note, you have given me the knowledge to help others.  You have slowed me down...in a good way by teaching me to appreciate life more.  You have brought my husband and I closer together.  You have reconnected me with people I otherwise may not have reconnected with.  I have met other women who also know you personally.  You made me a stronger woman.

So farewell kancer.  Thank you for the good, thank you for the bad.   Both are shaping me for the person I am meant to be.  I will get there and I will be stronger when I do.

Shannon

So today, marks 1 year!  1 year ago, I was getting treatment for the last time (I hope the last time forever).  Today, I am officially 1 year in remission!!!!!!!!  OMG - that gives me goosebumps.  I gotta say, there is a feeling like no other to be able to say that.  And to say...I AM A SURVIVOR!!!  I beat cancer's ass.  The feeling I have is kind of like...well, for me anyway...I have always and I do mean ALWAYS wanted a 1966 Pink Cadillac convertible.  So for me, the feeling I get being a survivor is like riding with the top down in my absolute dream car, letting the wind blow through my hair with this song on the radio...turned up so super loud and me singing along at the top of my lungs (JJ, you know what I'm talkin' about). 

It's not necessarily about the car...it is about accomplishing a dream and knowing obstacles got in your way, but you had the strength of David and overcame those obstacles.  Like, slaying the giant:)  It can be overwhelming almost.

So what better way to celebrate...a party:)  Thank you to all who came out in support!!

xoxoxoxoxo-Shannon