why is it?

in the words of carrie, my favorite tv/movie character...why is it...when you are sick or facing a life threatening illness or a major change in your life, {you} are the one comforting others?

when updating friends and family of illnesses in our family, i often {feel} the need to omit words and feelings because {someone} may get offended or upset.  i try to sugarcoat things to calm {them} so {they} don't in turn upset us. 

and why is it...when people say "i don't know what to say" or "i wish i had words of comfort" that they just can't leave it at that?  the moment some people say those words, they immediately vomit the worst possible thing a person could say.  why does there have to be {something} to say?  in an effort to say the {right} thing, all the wrong things comes out. 
 
in {your} time of need, you hear often "if you need anything, let me know".  i used to be {super} guilty of this.  i mean the last thing on anyone's mind when facing an illness, a death or catastrophy is what can {you} do for them?  but what if you did something for someone without them asking?  what if you could recognize a need and act on it.  could it be that there are people who do not need the recognition, the thanks?  just simply knowing you did something nice for someone else would be enought to put a smile on your face and warmth in your heart. 

here is a hint when you don't know what to say or do in someone's dark times:  keep quiet.  if you really want to help, be there to listen when we finally let loose all that we have bottled up from the many times {we} have had to comfort {others} in {our} time of need.  don't wait to be asked.  put yourself in the shoes of your friend or family member.  what would be something that would be helpful to you?  what would put a smile on your face.  then do it.  and don't make it about you...don't expect a thank you.  remember why you are doing it in the first place...because they probably have so much on their plate, they aren't thinking clearly. 

oh, and it doesn't always have to be a time when someone is hurting, it can be any time.